Wow. What an amazing day of news stories. We don't expect to see anything like this in Michigan news for at least a year...

Google to Purchase GM
Google announced at 12:01 AM, April 1, 2005 it will purchase a controlling interest in General Motors. The Internet giant plans numerous enhancements to the offerings of the world's largest automaker including the 2006 GM Coogle featuring an MP3 player with the ability to download 23 simultaneous music streams and the top-secret "SRCH nGine", reputed to burn free AOL CDs rather than gas.

Granholm to Cut All Funds to the UP, Balance Budget
In a surprise budget-cutting move, Michigan Governor Jennifer Granholm announced that she had found a way to balance Michigan's precarious budget. The convoluted plan has its roots in the MEAP tests Michigan students are required to take. "While the UP has always been a vital part of Michigan, it does not lend itself well to our new 'Where is it on the Hand?' method of geography testing preparation," the Governor explained. "By removing the UP from the state, we expect to realize a 1.3% increase in test scores." Meanwhile, Upper Peninsula officials are purportedly in merger talks with several southwestern states who would like to add Lake Superior to their states' water resources inventory.

Izzo to Pistons, Will Not Coach in Final Four
Spartan faithful were shocked at the announcement on ESPN-9 late last night that MSU coach Tom Izzo had resigned to take over the reigns for the Detroit Pistons. Outgoing Piston Coach Larry Brown called into the program from LAX where he was waiting for a limo to whisk him to the Staples Center and his new job as head coach of the Los Angeles Lakers. Brown congratulated Izzo and explained "My year-and-a-half in Detroit was special, and I'll always be proud of what we accomplished, but let's face it: I thrive on challenge and the Lakers are a real doozy!" It was announced that MSU legend Jud Heathcoate will coach the Spartans in the Final Four.

Michael Moore Takes New Job
Controversial filmmaker and Michigan native Michael Moore confirmed persistant rumors that he will accept a position as chief cinematic strategist for the Republican National Committee. Moore, reached at his new mansion in the Flint suburb of Davison responded, "Frankly, it's darn tiring chasing people around with movie cameras who don't want to be chased and they really get mad. Now that I'm with the RNC, the people I'd be hounding are happy to stand still and smile."

Sleeping Bear Awakes!
The village of Glen Arbor was stunned today when Mishe-Mokwa (the "Sleeping Bear") woke up! The 52.3 foot mother bear had been slumbering for several thousand years and apparently woke up very hungry and cranky. Read the complete story for much more and actual photos!
Read the rest of Sleeping Bear Awakes! (with photos!!)

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